


The Abyss

by Im_The_Doctor (Bofur1)



Category: Video Blogging RPF, Youtube RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Character Death, Emotional Hurt, Grief/Mourning, Heavy Angst, Hurt No Comfort, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Loneliness, Mental Anguish, The Author Regrets Everything, Tragedy, Wakes & Funerals
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-28
Updated: 2019-03-28
Packaged: 2019-12-25 18:11:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 612
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18266726
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bofur1/pseuds/Im_The_Doctor
Summary: He felt nothing. With every step he felt as if he was standing on the edge of a cliff, thousands of miles high, looking down into a black abyss. It would swallow him in an instant if he fell…or jumped…but he didn’t feel any fear. There wasn’t fear, anger, denial. There was nothing.





	The Abyss

He felt nothing. With every step he felt as if he was standing on the edge of a cliff, thousands of miles high, looking down into a black abyss. It would swallow him in an instant if he fell…or jumped…but he didn’t feel any fear. There wasn’t fear, anger, denial. There was nothing. People whispered behind his back when they thought he wasn’t listening. They said it was the shock affecting him, but he didn’t feel shock either.

He was hollow. He  _was_  the abyss.

Most of the funeral preparations were done without him. When Jackieboy asked in a shaky voice for his input, he had looked up from his work. His breathing faltered for a moment, but as soon as he recognized the heartache passing through Jackieboy’s eyes because of it, he steadied himself.

“He’d like to be someplace green. Somewhere that gets a lot of sun,” he suggested, monotone. The words tasted bitter and heavy in his mouth, weighing down his tongue. Once Jackieboy nodded and slunk away, he bit it until he tasted blood instead.

 _Blood_. There had been so much of it—on his hands, on his face, on his knees and the floor. Everything it touched had been stained; no matter how much he had scrubbed himself since then, when he looked in the mirror he could still see it, smeared across his cheeks and his mouth where he had pressed his sticky hands against them.

The funeral was on a sunny day, but the graves around them were dim and gray as thunderclouds. More people were there than they had expected or even invited. Just how many lives had he touched? Jackieboy gave his speech with tears streaming openly down his cheeks. Schneep tried valiantly to follow suit, but he only managed to choke out two or three sentences before he broke down sobbing and couldn’t continue.

Marvin spoke after guiding Schneep into Jackie’s embrace. He said…something. He hadn’t written any of it down beforehand and he couldn’t remember a word of it afterward. For the first time since the day he was born, he felt truly cold. Frozen.

Stacy spoke too. She cried. She said that she and her hus—her ex-husband may not have seen eye to eye but at one point they had loved each other. She would miss the man she had loved. She didn’t have the right to be here. She didn’t have the right to stand there and cry for him when she was the cause of his death. She may has well have pulled the trigger.  _She killed him_ , the father of her children. Marvin didn’t feel the surge of rage that he always had, but his body knew it by reflex. His hands were in fists so tight against his sides that he felt blood seeping through his fingers, dripping leisurely into the grass.

He stayed after everyone else. Jackieboy pleaded with him not to stay late; they needed to be together. Marvin made no promises. After they were gone, he finally moved, wiping long streaks of crimson against his dark dress slacks. It didn’t matter if they stained.

He was alone with the silence…and the grave.

**_Chase Harrison Brody_ **

**_Brother, Father and Friend_ **

**_Loved more than he knew_ **

This was supposed to be the moment that Marvin spoke to him, wasn’t it? The moment that he pretended Chase was there listening.

What would he say?

He took a trembling breath.

With near-crippling force, he fell to his knees.

Clutching his head in both hands, he wailed. He cried and keened and screamed at the top of his lungs.

The abyss accepted it gladly.

**Author's Note:**

> I regret it, I promise.


End file.
